03.12.2022
08.08.13 1.00pm
dear anna. lately i have had nightmares. wake shivering — can i come see you? when will you have time.
how are you? i miss – you –
nothing — no writing — words disappeared inside — circulate in the body — like breathing:
breath in a n n a
breath out d e a r
breath in a n n a
breath out d e a r
09.08.13 6.00am
nightmare — twin girls — one fell into the sea and were lost — unable to make it home — she forgot
who she was and became homeless that place — the other grew up to become famous & married —
avoided – meeting the sister shadow — no longer reversible
09.08.13 5.30am
sunrise:
i have many books and some of them are about danish vernacular life
— “landbokvinden
— rok og k rne
— grovbr d og vadmel” for instance
— right now my landscape is misty, morning
— roll over the meadow
— while i’m searching my mind for a book i am told i possess
tell me: how to tie a native land to writing
teach me: how to perform ones’ landscape
10.08.13 9.12am
forfeiture:
m a g i c t w e l v e
12.08.13 11.07am
(i am) young — barely woman — (i am) spreading fingers peeping through them — seeing sun filtering
down through the leaves — around the trunk is the robe that holds the hammock of pain where i lie —
fanny’s wet — then the calling:
girl get your ass in here, dinnertime
list of the swearwords i write in my book under his name:
no fake daddy
no fake daddy
no fake daddy
no fake daddy
no fake
no fake
no fake
no daddy
no
no
o
list of the dishes i write in my cook book under his name:
glaced pig
flank steak
meatballs
steamed meatball
meatball soup
pork balls
pork chops
suckling pig
stuffed pig
pulled pig
shredded pig
dead pig
pig
pig
14.08.13 11.07am
juniper
as freckles in the sagebrush ocean
makes me picture your skin
like
i’m a small animal
migrating over your body —
road kill, at the soft shoulders
bloody loose gravel
— heart hesitating
to return to the heat
of your valley
to let oneself give in
15.08.13 2.30pm
tonight i dream of the coffin — they’ll give me — burial of unfamiliar traditions — since none were ever
given me — displaced — anywhere
we are sinful children — watching earth’s beauties —collapse from our living — how was your driving, he
ask. i answer —pleasantly wasteful
15.08.13 8.19pm
wild fires makes the moon blood red rising — i watch this — alone — next to him
dear anna when i’m with him i become someone else — i think i highlight he parts he enjoy and shadow
off what he does not — want. i’ll shine my bright places at him and the darker ones deepens. drags me
down. the ”i” stretches out — like — electric impulses not traveling through — or right anymore —
body’s holding a divide
dear anna i suck at writing this. i want to talk of how all is here now, but i do not know how to explain it
to you. in the morning i’m anxious. in the evening i am alone. sometimes i think of phoenix other times i
think of home — rarely g teborg. it’s good that you’re working so much — really. and the whales – it all
sounds so meaningful what you do – thank you for your kind replies, it is so nice — to hear from you –
to hear anything from you – you – he doesn’t have money to fill up his truck. so we mainly drive my car
now. it can’t go all the places his could, it can go some of them though
16.08.13 8.00am
beware
17.08.13 7.50am
see —
birdkisses, nightsky pales
retreats for dawn, picture our
childhood streets
here, her eyes says; this is what
you keep running away from
— see
i want to kill him
for this, i’m convinced i’m fat
and unpretty, i will never
become that which i want to
19.08.13 6.06am
dear anna when i’m with him i become someone else, how can i avoid her. how — can i leave her — i
have to stay – to finish things – i can’t escape. will have to wait. how much damage can happen before i
can leave. will happen — no he doesn’t love me — he loves simple things. shooting without killing. why
do you do that, i ask — driving out in the desert to shoot. for the sound of it? why? — in my mind i run
towards the shots. wanting him to b e c o m e r e a l – hear sound ricocheting between our bodies like
— words not comprehended – wounds of distance
19.08.13 8.53am
his sleeping body next to mine
19.08.13 8.57am
mine descending. as alice
19.08.13 10.04am
he says; i am dreaming i’m eating your cantaloupe without using my hands. its juice makes my face all sticky,
the taste fills my mouth — run down my throat as i swallow it swallow it. i swallow and i want to grab it, have
my fingers on it’s flesh — it’s slippery to hold in my mouth — and no hands – want to tame it with my teeth
dear anna he competes — he want to exceed me — domesticate me
dear anna i am – i am – i am
stinnestorm.org 