03.12.2022

08.08.13 1.00pm

dear anna. lately i have had nightmares. wake shivering — can i come see you? when will you have time.

how are you? i miss – you –

nothing — no writing — words disappeared inside — circulate in the body — like breathing:

breath in a n n a

breath out d e a r

breath in a n n a

breath out d e a r

09.08.13 6.00am

nightmare — twin girls — one fell into the sea and were lost — unable to make it home — she forgot

who she was and became homeless that place — the other grew up to become famous & married —

avoided – meeting the sister shadow — no longer reversible

09.08.13 5.30am

sunrise:

i have many books and some of them are about danish vernacular life

— “landbokvinden

— rok og k rne

— grovbr d og vadmel” for instance

— right now my landscape is misty, morning

— roll over the meadow

— while i’m searching my mind for a book i am told i possess

tell me: how to tie a native land to writing

teach me: how to perform ones’ landscape

10.08.13 9.12am

forfeiture:

m a g i c t w e l v e

12.08.13 11.07am

(i am) young — barely woman — (i am) spreading fingers peeping through them — seeing sun filtering

down through the leaves — around the trunk is the robe that holds the hammock of pain where i lie —

fanny’s wet — then the calling:

girl get your ass in here, dinnertime

list of the swearwords i write in my book under his name:

no fake daddy

no fake daddy

no fake daddy

no fake daddy

no fake

no fake

no fake

no daddy

no

no

o

list of the dishes i write in my cook book under his name:

glaced pig

flank steak

meatballs

steamed meatball

meatball soup

pork balls

pork chops

suckling pig

stuffed pig

pulled pig

shredded pig

dead pig

pig

pig

14.08.13 11.07am

juniper

as freckles in the sagebrush ocean

makes me picture your skin

like

i’m a small animal

migrating over your body —

road kill, at the soft shoulders

bloody loose gravel

— heart hesitating

to return to the heat

of your valley

to let oneself give in

15.08.13 2.30pm

tonight i dream of the coffin — they’ll give me — burial of unfamiliar traditions — since none were ever

given me — displaced — anywhere

we are sinful children — watching earth’s beauties —collapse from our living — how was your driving, he

ask. i answer —pleasantly wasteful

15.08.13 8.19pm

wild fires makes the moon blood red rising — i watch this — alone — next to him

dear anna when i’m with him i become someone else — i think i highlight he parts he enjoy and shadow

off what he does not — want. i’ll shine my bright places at him and the darker ones deepens. drags me

down. the ”i” stretches out — like — electric impulses not traveling through — or right anymore —

body’s holding a divide

dear anna i suck at writing this. i want to talk of how all is here now, but i do not know how to explain it

to you. in the morning i’m anxious. in the evening i am alone. sometimes i think of phoenix other times i

think of home — rarely g teborg. it’s good that you’re working so much — really. and the whales – it all

sounds so meaningful what you do – thank you for your kind replies, it is so nice — to hear from you –

to hear anything from you – you – he doesn’t have money to fill up his truck. so we mainly drive my car

now. it can’t go all the places his could, it can go some of them though

16.08.13 8.00am

beware

17.08.13 7.50am

see —

birdkisses, nightsky pales

retreats for dawn, picture our

childhood streets

here, her eyes says; this is what

you keep running away from

— see

i want to kill him

for this, i’m convinced i’m fat

and unpretty, i will never

become that which i want to

19.08.13 6.06am

dear anna when i’m with him i become someone else, how can i avoid her. how — can i leave her — i

have to stay – to finish things – i can’t escape. will have to wait. how much damage can happen before i

can leave. will happen — no he doesn’t love me — he loves simple things. shooting without killing. why

do you do that, i ask — driving out in the desert to shoot. for the sound of it? why? — in my mind i run

towards the shots. wanting him to b e c o m e r e a l – hear sound ricocheting between our bodies like

— words not comprehended – wounds of distance

19.08.13 8.53am

his sleeping body next to mine

19.08.13 8.57am

mine descending. as alice

19.08.13 10.04am

he says; i am dreaming i’m eating your cantaloupe without using my hands. its juice makes my face all sticky,

the taste fills my mouth — run down my throat as i swallow it swallow it. i swallow and i want to grab it, have

my fingers on it’s flesh — it’s slippery to hold in my mouth — and no hands – want to tame it with my teeth

dear anna he competes — he want to exceed me — domesticate me

dear anna i am – i am – i am

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